Dr. Gettleman's Vacation
On a recent vacation, my wife and I sat on a bench in a park surrounded by the small town shopping square. There were families with kids everywhere. As if we had entered the twilight zone, every single child was well behaved. No screaming, no tantrums, no fighting. Suddenly I realized why, as I notice every parent engaged with their child. Moms were talking to their babies, dads were throwing balls with their sons, others were guarding the street as their toddlers were learning to run for the first time. It was quite an amazing sight.
It reminded me of the crucial, and most missed, aspect of time outs: the time “IN.” The key component of a time out, which removes the child from the surrounding environment, is that the child needs to want to get back to the original environment if removed. For example, if a child loves watching sports and you’re at a basketball game, leaving to go home would be a punishment. But if they hate sports and are claustrophobic, removal from the crowd would be a good thing.
Time “INs” are essential to make time outs effective. Although it takes a lot of effort on the part of parents to devote time and energy to actively being in the moment with their kids, that focused time creates a true bond of love, respect and trust. These will make up the base that is the foundation for future healthy parent child relationships. Starting with a weak foundation may cause the whole house to crumble. Watching these families interact with each other and seeing how well behaved the children were acting drove this message home for me.
Pearl: Establish time “IN” before you need to use time out.
Homework: Take some quality time with your children. Play, talk and just be with each other with no other distraction. Give them your undivided attention. Set a goal of time each day to dedicate to this task. Enjoy them.
Next time- we will discuss the actual time out.
- Dr. Mark Gettleman, Just Kids Pediatrics